


It Isn't About the Health Insurance, You Idiot

by betheflame



Series: Blind Dates & True Love [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Artist Steve Rogers, BAMF Natasha Romanov, BAMF Pepper Potts, Blind Date, Bucky Barnes Is a Good Bro, Deaf Steve Rogers, Domestic Fluff, Established Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Idiots in Love, M/M, Minor Bucky Barnes/Natasha Romanov, Stony Bingo, Tony Stark Has A Heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-26
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2020-09-26 20:04:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20395384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/betheflame/pseuds/betheflame
Summary: In which we join our lads a few months after the best date they'd ever had. Life is fantastic - except that they can't stop fighting about health insurance.Spoiler alert: it's not about the health insurance.





	It Isn't About the Health Insurance, You Idiot

**Author's Note:**

> The continued peer pressure works, y'all. Between the comments on here and the DMs I'm getting on Discord... this universe is going to continue for a bit. So either I'm sorry or you're welcome, depending on your persuasion. 
> 
> Stony Bingo Fill N2 "Obstacles to Love"
> 
> Thanks to [HogwartstoAlexandria](https://archiveofourown.org/works?utf8=%E2%9C%93&commit=Sort+and+Filter&work_search%5Bsort_column%5D=kudos_count&work_search%5Bother_tag_names%5D=&work_search%5Bexcluded_tag_names%5D=&work_search%5Bcrossover%5D=&work_search%5Bcomplete%5D=&work_search%5Bwords_from%5D=&work_search%5Bwords_to%5D=&work_search%5Bdate_from%5D=&work_search%5Bdate_to%5D=&work_search%5Bquery%5D=&work_search%5Blanguage_id%5D=&pseud_id=HogwartsToAlexandria&user_id=HogwartsToAlexandria) for being the best beta. 
> 
> **Note** this was originally posted as Ch3 of the original work. But I realized I'd lose track of my bingo fills if I did that, so now I'm doing it this way, so if you've read this - I'M SORRY! I promise the next installment will be completely new.
> 
> On with the show.

“No, I won’t hold the - Jesus fuck this is the fourth time I got put on hold,” Tony sighed deeply as Nat threw an eyebrow in his direction. 

“Even the high and mighty Tony Stark can’t get Blue Cross Blue Shield to answer questions, I see.”

“I don’t think Jesus could get them to answer questions, Natasha,” Tony replied with a deep sigh. “Two hours now I’ve been getting the run around and all I want to know is why Steve’s audiologist’s word that he needs a new implant won’t satisfy these fuckers.”

“Steve still not letting you just pay for it?”

“As stubborn as he is handsome,” Tony replied. 

_“Will you just let me pay for it,” Tony pleaded for the seventeenth time. “Dr. Hutchison says you need it fully replaced and if BCBS keeps disagreeing -”_

_“Tony, no, it’s fine. I’ll figure something out.”_

_“I just-”_

_“Tony, if you are not ready to get married, which is how I’d get on your health insurance, then I am not ready to let you pay for a major surgery.”_

“Pot, kettle,” was Natasha’s only reply, as she turned back to her laptop. 

It had been nearly a year since their first date, and there was no doubt in anyone’s mind that the two men were absolutely perfect for each other. Issue was, each of their definitions of ‘forever’ were a bit different. 

“Do you want my advice?” Natasha asked as she continued to lazily thumb through her phone. 

“Not a bit, but I doubt that will stop you.”

“Just let up a little.”

He looked over at her and was about to open his mouth to respond when a voice came back on the line. “Yes, thank you. My name is -”

As he continued, Natasha drowned him out but opened her messaging app. 

_Nat: Can I please meddle now?_

_Bucky: No, doll. Not yet. _

_Nat: Babe, they are going to self-destruct over this. _

_Bucky: Then they’re going to do that. If Stark can’t see that all Steve really wants is an actual honest-to-God proposal, then I don’t know what to do with them. _

_Nat: Pepper and I need to start meddling. _

_Bucky: Go with God, babe, but leave me out of it. _

_Nat: Coward. _

_Bucky: For not wanting to fuck around in my best friend’s love life? Sure, I’ll take it._

________________ 

“NO,” Steve yelled. “Tony, I said no.”

“Steven, you are being ridiculous. I have more money than I will literally ever know what to do with. If you won’t let me cheat the system by getting married, then please at least let me pay for it. I spent four hours on hold with Blue Cross yesterday and this is it. Those are the options.”

“I would rather lose the implant all together than be one of your charitable donations,” Steve sneered. 

“Are you forgetting how we met, Van Gogh?”

Steve felt his insides freeze. “Are we doing that now?”

Tony threw up his hands. “I don’t even know-” 

Steve made eye contact with Tony and slowly took out the hearing aid from his right ear. With the implant only working about 10% of the time, it was as clear a sign as any that Steve did not want to hear what Tony had to say. 

_Oh, no, you don’t get to do that,_ Tony signed furiously. _You do not get to - _

Steve turned away and walked towards the bedroom, shutting the door behind him.

________________ 

The honeymoon period of Tony and Steve’s relationship had lasted nearly eight months. Things were just easy between them. Sure, they bickered, but it usually felt more like flirting, and they had trouble communicating, but it never felt insurmountable. Their friend circles blended well, and Nat and Pepper had found particular pals in each other.

But then, Steve had woken up one morning and his left ear felt like it was underwater. 

_“There’s a 4-8% chance of implant failure,” Steve explained to Tony later. “So it’s not, you know, unheard of, but it’s not common.”_

_“Do you want to get it replaced?” Tony asked cautiously. He’d learned a lot about the deaf community in the last several months, and also about Steve’s feelings about the implant. There were days he was frustrated that his parents made the choice for him, and other days where he was grateful they did. _

_“Yes,” Steve said. “I do. When we first talked about it, I was in a different place, emotionally, but, okay this is scary, being with you has made me realize that the family I want so badly might actually be possible, not that we’re having that conversation, God, I’m screwing this up, but because you’ve taught me that I’m not a broken toy or anything and that people can and do love me, and so I want to be able to audibly hear my kid’s laughs some day. So yes, that was awkward, and we can forget I said anything else.”_

_His voice was quavering just a bit by the end, so Tony reached out gently and laced their fingers together. _

_“Then you get it replaced,” he said quietly. “And I think that’s a great reason to do it.”_

_Steve took a shaky breath. “I’m sorry.”_

_“Why?”_

_Steve looked at Tony through damp eyes. “Because I just vomited all that forever shit on you and we’ve barely talked about moving in together.”_

_“Cool, I’ll get a key made. Is my place okay? It’s just that I own and you rent and the real estate market isn’t the best for sellers at the moment, so I’d take a bath on it. But you can redecorate whatever you want, Pep will be thrilled she doesn’t have to decide on my couch colors any more,” Tony smirked. _

_“Is this how you have all serious conversations?”_

_Tony winced. “Yes?”_

_Steve bit his lip and smiled. “Got it. So, in answering the question you didn’t actually ask, I’m not ready right now, but when my lease is up in six weeks, yes. That works for me.”_

Steve had trolled the city looking for a surgeon covered by his insurance and finally found someone out on Long Island. He submitted the paperwork to Blue Cross Blue Shield and was promptly told that they considered it an elective surgery and would only cover 20% of the costs. 

Tony - not used to the dumpster fire that was the American healthcare system - exploded in rage and started to try to solve the problem. Steve - entirely used to the aforementioned dumpster fire - kept patiently telling his boyfriend that it was no use. He’d save up the money or get a 9-5 with better benefits than self-employment gave him, and he’d figure it out. 

That’s when the fighting had started. 

_“I AM NOT SOMETHING YOU FIGURE OUT,” Steve roared. _

_“I love you!” Tony screamed back. “Of course you are!”_

_“Well, we have different definitions of love then, because I’m not a problem to be solved,” Steve hissed. _

_Tony squared his hips and stared straight at Steve. “You are putting words in my mouth, Monet. You currently have a problem. I want to be part of the solution because that’s what I do - I fix things, I solve problems, I create solutions. Fuck, give me three months and I’ll probably figure out something better than what you have.”_

_“Forgive me, oh master, for forgetting who you were for a moment. Of course you have the solution,” Steve’s voice dripped with sarcasm. “Let me just sign all of my rights over to you so you can solve all my problems.”_

_“Fuck you, that is not what I'm saying.”_

_“Are you calling me stupid now?”_

_“Jesus Christ, Steven, of course not.”_

The fights were circular and bordered, at times, on vicious. They always reached a stasis point though, and could function. Tony constantly reminded Pepper that he was the compartmentalization king of the world. 

About four months in, however, things took a turn. Tony calmly showed up to their apartment one afternoon with paperwork from SI to name Steve as his spouse on the insurance claim. 

_“It’s just a damn piece of paper, Steven,” Tony yelled._

_“Marriage is not just a piece of paper, Anthony,” Steve yelled back. “It’s a fucking covenant.”_

_“I don’t want Catholic bullshit polluting this. It’s a business transaction. What we feel for each other doesn’t have anything to do with you getting health insurance.”_

_“Then that’s fraud, and I’m not doing it.” Steve growled. _

When that chapter of the fight started, their friends realized that Steve and Tony were the only two people who didn’t know why they were fighting. A few group texts later, Bucky, Nat, Pepper, and Rhodey agreed to let the two of them figure it out unless they were hitting a point of no return. 

_Rhodey: Your boy, I’m guessing, is just as stubborn as ours?_

_Bucky: I believe a rock and a hard place are currently dating. _

_Pepper: LOL._

_Pepper: Fantastic. That means this is our lives now. _

_Nat: Steve will cave, eventually, because he wants to be with Tony more than he needs his pride. _

_Bucky: My very beautiful but very incorrect wife and I disagree on this, ftr. _

_Bucky: Stevie has backed down from one fight in his entire damn life and it was only because his mother literally dragged him away by his collar. _

_Bucky: I’m not optimistic here. _

_Nat: Either I’m right or we should meddle. _

_Bucky: Or I’m right and we still shouldn’t because they’re adults. _

_Pepper: That’s debatable. _

_Rhodey: Tones is an idiot who is going to try to fix Steve’s entire life and Steve is either okay with that or he isn’t. My best suggestion for meddling is to lock them in a room and make them work it out. _

_Pepper: I can arrange that. _

_Bucky: STOP IT. ALL OF YOU. They’re both fucking idiots, but we have to let them work this out. _

_Nat: Like you worked out that I wanted to get married?_

_Bucky: LOW BLOW NATASHA BARNES. _

_Bucky: Fine, maybe they need some help. _

_Bucky: But. And I’m serious. Proceed with caution. _

_Nat: *kissy face emoji*_

_Rhodey: Why am I nervous?_

_Bucky: Because you’re a smart man._

________________ 

Tony stared at the closed door and weighed his options.

He could walk away right now, walk out of Steve’s life and walk out of the future Tony was hoping they could build together. 

He could commit massive insurance fraud and blackmail the CEO of Blue Cross to make a waiver exemption for Steve - which would end his and Steve’s relationship, but would get Steve the implant. 

He could… 

Tony sighed deeply and ran his hands over his face. Grabbing the dry erase marker, he wrote a note on their message board that hung outside the bedroom. 

_Babe - _

_I’m not done talking about this, but I’m going for a walk. I shouldn’t have said that about our date. You’ve never been and never will be charity for me. I love you and I’ll be back soon and then let’s agree to talk without yelling. _

_T_

He capped the marker and grabbed his phone and dialed the only number he still knew by heart, the one he memorized before cell phones to call from bars at closing time, the one connected to his only true family - well, at least until he met Steve. 

“Pep? I think I broke it. Can I come?”

________________ 

Bucky was in the bathroom when his phone went off. Nat saw Steve was requesting a video call and didn’t think twice about swiping.

“He’s pooping, I think,” Nat said. 

Steve made a face and then signed, _I think you just told me that he’s in the bathroom. Thanks, Nat._

_Signing today?_

_Head hurts. Took out the other one. Can I talk to Buck?_

Nad nodded and yelled for her husband. 

“What?!”

“Steve’s on video - and he looks terrible.”

“Like the time he ate that raw shrimp?”

“No, like the time he broke up with Andy.”

“Fuck, he did something stupid, okay, I’ll be right there.”

Nat turned her attention back to the screen. _He’ll be right here. _

_I need you to remember that I can lip read, a, and b, I still find it creepy that you two talk while you’re in the bathroom. _

Nat snorted. _Marriage is going to be a rude awakening for you. _

_I don’t look awful. _

_You fucking do, love. Here’s Buck. _

Bucky grabbed the phone from Nat and headed into their bedroom, which Nat respected. Hated, but respected. 

She got out her own phone to see a text from Pepper. After several aborted attempts at getting Tony and Steve to have a calm conversation about their fight, the pair had almost given up. 

_Pepper: Brown-haired idiot is inbound. _

Nat cackled and texted back. 

_Nat: Blond one is on the phone with my personal brown-haired idiot. _

_Pepper: I wonder who was stupid first. _

_Nat: Well, my guess is that Tony said something he didn’t mean, but Steve decided he did, and then said something equally terrible, and then Tony stormed out. _

_Pepper: Well, we’ll know soon enough, he’s on his way up. Seems like they need meddling less than they need a soft place to land._

Just as Nat closed out the chat app with Pepper, Bucky came out of the bedroom. “Doll, I think he needs both of us.”

She cleared a spot on the coffee table so that Bucky could arrange the phone where Steve could see them both. 

_He doesn’t want to marry me_, Steve signed, _with tears running down his face. And, like, I don’t want to do it right now, or anything, but to just have him shut that option down is too much. _

_Are you sure that’s what he said,_ Nat signed. _Did he actually look at you and say that he never wanted to marry you ever?_

_He called it Catholic bullshit._

_Tonight? _Bucky clarified. _Before or after he called you a charity case?_

_HE WHAT_, Nat both screamed out loud and signed. Bucky nudged her in the ribs.

“Remember, he doesn’t want us to get angry when he’s like this, he just wants us to be sad with him,” Bucky muttered, not moving his lips. 

_Sorry, Steve_, Nat signed. _That’s harsh. _

_There’s a note on the whiteboard that he didn’t mean it, and now he’s out for a walk, so I’m sure he’s at Pepper’s, _Steve replied. One of his hands disappeared and reappeared with a tissue. _And I know he didn’t mean it, I’m not an idiot, it’s just we cannot seem to stop fighting._

The trio’s hands all stilled for a moment, each wondering what to say next. Finally, Nat tentatively started up again. 

_Is it possible_, she signed, _that you could just tell him you want to marry him but that the idea of doing it just for health insurance feels immoral to you?_

_I HAVE_, Steve’s face twisted into an exasperated expression. _SO MANY TIMES._

Bucky cocked an eyebrow. _Like how you told Nat that I was in love with her? Or the time you told Dr. Silver that your asthma was getting worse? Or the time - _

_Fuck off, I communicate clearly._

Both Bucky and Nat started laughing. _No, buddy,_ Bucky continued. _Not always. Not when it’s really emotional, and you know it._

Steve flipped him off and made a face, but didn’t respond for a few moments. 

_What if I do tell him that, just like how you said it, and he tells me no?_ Steve’s face held such raw vulnerability that Nat wanted to crawl through the screen and hold him. 

_Then_, she started, _you move in here and we talk to some food about that pain, and then we make a new plan. No matter what, you’re not alone._

________________ 

“So, we’ve been over this a few times now,” Pepper smiled gently at the man curled on her sofa. “You’re just going to go home. Tell him you’re sorry and ask why he won’t marry you.”

“And then he’s going to tell me it’s because I’m a terrible control freak and break up with me,” Tony replied morosely. 

“That, Mr. Futurist,” Pepper replied, “is what we call projecting other people’s agency, and we have talked about you not doing that. You have no idea what Steve will say when you actually use your words instead of your sarcasm.”

“Sarcasm is words, Virginia,” Tony sniped back. 

Pepper was quiet in response and Tony sighed dramatically. “_Fine_. I’ll adult.”

“Just tell him everything you told me, Tony, and it’ll all be okay.”

He nodded with a confidence he did not feel, roused himself from the couch, and kissed Pepper on the cheek. “Well, I’ll go find out, shall I?”

________________ 

When Tony re-entered their apartment, he found Steve on the couch in the living room, staring at the blank television. Tony intentionally stepped into Steve’s line of sight. _Hi. I was an idiot. Can I explain?_

Steve looked a little shocked but nodded, and then arranged himself on the couch so that he and Tony could both sit looking at each other. _I was one, too. Can I go first?_

_No_, Tony replied. _I’ve been rehearsing all the way over here and I had to look up some signs, so can I just get this out?_

Steve smiled and nodded. 

Tony took a deep breath and began, his hands tentative at first, in the way that Steve knew meant he was being careful about every single word. Something in Steve settled at that - careful he could work with. 

_I have not handled myself the most loving in the last several weeks and I know that. I thought I was being loving, because I love through fixing and providing and making everything better for everyone and this has been slowly killing me that you won’t let me do any of those things. So instead of talking, like I should have, I just… well, we know what I’ve done… but I realized tonight that I forgot to start this entire conversation about your surgery with the most important part._

Tony reached out his hands and grasped Steve’s face, pulling it towards him for a kiss. When their lips parted again, Tony continued. _I am in love with you and I am in this. I love you and I want to be with you forever. I don’t love the idea of a wedding - my life is so public that having another public thing that I have to report to the shareholders isn’t my favorite but I can swallow that - and I don’t really see a need to get married, but you are the only person who has ever made me dream that I could be worth it._

Tony quickly wiped at a few tears that had gathered, and Steve cupped his face. Using his thumbs to wipe away more tears that fell, Steve kissed Tony gently and tapped Tony’s temple - their sign for Steve reminding Tony that he was in his own head. 

Tony chuckled and resumed his speech. _I watched my parent’s marriage and, God, this is so cliche, but everyone in our circle only used marriage as a business transaction. That’s all it’s been my whole life and I know the Barnes’ have this fairytale thing, but that’s not for people like me, or it wasn’t, and then I met you, and, Steve, I have never wanted to call someone husband so badly. I know this is fast, and I’m not saying now, but - _

Steve grasped Tony’s hands, silencing them. _My turn_, he signed. 

_I want to marry you and choose you every day, forever. I thought you didn’t want to do that with me, that you didn’t want to dream or plan or whatever, and that hurt, but I realized that I never said that and I just kept screaming at you for trying to make my life better. I lasted three minutes in my room before I heard you leave the apartment and I froze, I was so worried that I broke it by being stubborn, and I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, but I love you, and yes, I think we get the fairytale, too._

_Yeah,_ Tony grinned, not bothering to stop his tears. 

_Yeah,_ Steve affirmed.

________________ 

Later, much later, after several rounds of make-up sex and Steve’s headache subsiding enough to put his right aid back in, he kissed the side of Tony’s face and said, “Just tell me now.”

“What?” Tony said, confused. 

“The plan, the one I know you’ve already come up with, for how you can help me get the surgery and not commit a felony.”

“I don’t think insurance fraud is a felony.”

“Do we want to test that?”

“Fine, you are zero fun.” Tony huffed.

“Hum,” Steve confirmed. “So, the plan?”

“Oh, that’s simple,” Tony said. “If you want to wait to get married for a bit, I’d like to pay for the surgery out of the money that will one day be yours anyway, because I started setting funds aside for our future children the day after I met you, which I know is creepy, but please remember you love me when I say things like that, and then if you’re willing to get married sooner, we get the license, I don’t know, tomorrow, and then we can do everything else on our timeline, but then Blue Cross will have the paperwork they need.”

“There is a lot in there to circle back to,” Steve said, “but I also didn’t hear a proposal.”

Tony paused. “There wasn’t one.”

“You wanna get on that, babe?”

Tony looked over at Steve and their eyes met for a beat before they both broke into smiles. 

“Yeah, _babe_, I’ll get right on that.”

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked this - the sequel is the "family traditions" bingo fill. Head [here to read "I Like Shiny Things, But I'd Marry You With Paper Rings"](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20476364)
> 
> Find me on [Twitter or ](http://www.twitter.com/betheflame1)[Tumblr](http://betheflame.tumblr.com) for previews and other nonsense.


End file.
